You Are Tougher Than You Think

There are a handful of things I've been keeping from you. First thing is...I started this blog as a college assignment. Wild right? A class assignment was to start a blog and talk about something you were a "professional" at. Well, I'm really good at being sick. So why not talk about everything in a format like this. It was temporary. So why not bare some of the deepest parts of myself. If anything, it would get me a stellar grade. Well, it did get me that grade, but that wasn’t enough for me. I have a story and I might as well use it for good. The day I decided to continue this blog is the day I promised to myself, and you, that I would continue to put it all out there. Problem is…I keep things from you. I make this blog look like I have it together. I get handed a bad hand but I’m a fighter. I’ll be fine. Blah blah blah. If I was being completely honest, I was holding it together for a while. Until about a month ago. I really thought diabetes was going to be enough ...

For the longest time I didn’t truly understand what trauma meant. I didn’t believe you could have PTSD without seeing wartime. I was very wrong. In the past couple of years, I have been trying to understand and learn from my traumas. Of course, they will never go away but understanding and accepting them helps. This year, between work, life, and everything else, I planned my yearly post-transplant check up on the same week as my actual transplantaversary. Looking back now that was a huge mistake. There is a certain type of anxiety leading up to the anniversary and a very different anxiety leading up to going back to where it all began. This year not only did I have to face those head on but I had to face the fact that: My Islet Cells are probably not working well, if at all I am officially insulin dependent For the longest time I really thought I would have an ostomy bag before I ever had to have a constant glucose monitor and an insulin pump but here we are! While placing my first eve...