It’s Like A Boomerang, You Think It’s Gone Then It Come Right Back

On June 13th I was surrounded by peers affected by similar, if not the same, disease at the CCFA Walk to Cure Crohn’s and Ulcerative Colitis. At the beginning of the walk a dad was on stage talking about how hard it is, as a parent, to watch your child suffer with an incurable disease. At that point I noticed my mom nodding her head and I looked at her and whole-heartedly apologized for putting her and dad through that. Two weeks later I had a procedure that would reveal that my Ulcerative Colitis was active again.

Every part of me wishes I could give some kind of word of wisdom, but I can’t. I’m at a loss. I thought I was healthy. I thought maybe I beat this. The reality is that I always knew this disease would come back, but only four years after transplant? Only two years narcotic free! That’s just not fair. It’s taken me weeks to be able to write this because I wasn’t ready to accept it. Hell, I’m still not ready to accept it.

I always say, no one is in it alone. I guess its time I take my own advice, grit my teeth, bow my head, and get through this. This time around I know I’m not alone and I don’t have to be afraid to be weak, or scared, or just utterly frustrated. This time I’m not going to try to do it alone, I’m going to trust that the people in my life are going to be there for the long haul. That, after everything they’ve already been through, they’ll stick by me through this one too. I’ll keep reminding myself, this one isn’t a death sentence. I know what is coming, this time I’ll be prepared. With my support system, I’ll get through this one too.


I’m not going to lie and say I’m ready; I’m going to realistic and prepare myself for the worst while always hoping for the best. I’m not going to let this control me, not this time. I’m going to be as normal as I’ve ever been, this won’t beat me!

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