A Strong Woman
I was really struggling to figure out what I was going to write about this year. My 8 year anniversary of my transplant. I really thought this was going to be the first time in a while that I didn't have anything to write about. I just couldn't find the inspiration. Then while scrolling through social media I found something that really hit home for me. It stuck with me throughout the day and into the night. Not really the spark of inspiration I needed just then. But as the day started slowing down and I started to think more it hit me. When I say it hit me, it was one ugly cry. The quote I saw was, "a strong woman knows being strong is not an option for her, it's a necessity."
Whenever I tell my story I usually get the same reactions. I'm told how strong I am. When I go through a rough time people remind of how strong I am to get through everything I have in the past. But to me, I didn't have a choice but to be strong. Yes, I probably could have given up. I thought about it many times. But I had my parents and my brother to fight for. I had my entire family, all of my friends to fight for. I couldn't just give up. There were so many people counting on me. I didn't have a choice but to be strong.
It's hard looking back now and thinking about how far I've come. In the past month I have hit the lowest I've been since my pre-transplant self. Attempting to balance heartbreak, strained and battered friendships, depression, anxiety, and what seemed to be the never ending government furlough I found myself spiraling into a darkness I haven't seen in years. But when I saw that quote and started to think about it, I've seen hell, I've been through hell, this might suck but it isn't even close. I still have a lot to work on, a lot of healing to do, and a lot of relationships to fix but if I made it through my past, I am definitely going to make it through this too.
This might sound cocky, but I've lost very few fights when it came to something I truly wanted. From fighting a disease, to fighting for a career I wanted and was proud of. I even got my brother yelled at once for looking out my window during a road trip. But there are fights I've lost along the way. I've lost friends, I've lost organs, I've lost myself a time or two. New, forever friends came. I am living proof that you don't need all your organs. I always find myself again after some hard work and dedication.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that 8 years later I'm so glad I didn't give up. I am so glad that a strong girl built me to be the strong woman I am today. Even when things get tough and they don't seem like they'll ever get better, they do. One day I'll come out of this dark place and be a better, stronger woman.
Whenever I tell my story I usually get the same reactions. I'm told how strong I am. When I go through a rough time people remind of how strong I am to get through everything I have in the past. But to me, I didn't have a choice but to be strong. Yes, I probably could have given up. I thought about it many times. But I had my parents and my brother to fight for. I had my entire family, all of my friends to fight for. I couldn't just give up. There were so many people counting on me. I didn't have a choice but to be strong.
It's hard looking back now and thinking about how far I've come. In the past month I have hit the lowest I've been since my pre-transplant self. Attempting to balance heartbreak, strained and battered friendships, depression, anxiety, and what seemed to be the never ending government furlough I found myself spiraling into a darkness I haven't seen in years. But when I saw that quote and started to think about it, I've seen hell, I've been through hell, this might suck but it isn't even close. I still have a lot to work on, a lot of healing to do, and a lot of relationships to fix but if I made it through my past, I am definitely going to make it through this too.
This might sound cocky, but I've lost very few fights when it came to something I truly wanted. From fighting a disease, to fighting for a career I wanted and was proud of. I even got my brother yelled at once for looking out my window during a road trip. But there are fights I've lost along the way. I've lost friends, I've lost organs, I've lost myself a time or two. New, forever friends came. I am living proof that you don't need all your organs. I always find myself again after some hard work and dedication.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that 8 years later I'm so glad I didn't give up. I am so glad that a strong girl built me to be the strong woman I am today. Even when things get tough and they don't seem like they'll ever get better, they do. One day I'll come out of this dark place and be a better, stronger woman.
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