Crying is Okay

There was one point before my transplant that there were so many unanswered questions. I was constantly sick; on more pain medicines than you could probably imagine, but my doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong or what to do to make me feel better. It was then that we had decided to look into a transplant that could change my life. Unfortunately, the transplant team didn’t see me as the right match at the time. No one ever knew at the time but I constantly questioned how I was going to be able to face the next day.

The reason no one knew was because I thought everyone expected me to constantly be strong. I didn’t think it was okay to break down and cry because that would make me weak. My doctor would always ask me why I wouldn’t cry. My answer would simply be, “I’m fine.” Honestly, I wasn’t. I couldn’t look past the next day. I was actually miserable.

Finally one day I broke, I just couldn’t handle it anymore. It started with crying because I was scared, moved to anger because I had no idea what I was going to do. Somehow it became me hysterically laughing but still crying all at the same time because my parents called my doctor into my room to watch my roller coaster of emotions.  From then on I realized that bottling up your emotions only hurts you.

It’s okay to cry sometimes. These diseases are so incredibly frustrating. They come and go, but when they come they come on hard. It doesn’t make you weak. You’re strong enough to know your limits. Being able to cry and show that you hurt proves that you are nothing but human. This is also something I still have problems doing; so no it’s not going to change overnight. Just try to remember that you have to let your emotions show to continue to build and keep fighting. You need to let everything out in order to face whatever the future has lined up for you.