4 Years Out

I always build this day up like it’s a marriage anniversary. In a way I guess you can look at it that way. It’s my lifelong commitment to losing one more organ and in turn having diabetes. This year is different because it is my first anniversary with this blog so it adds some pressure. As happy as it makes me to look back and be able to say, “yeah I made it,” looking back brings up a lot of bad memories, opening a lot of old wounds. A lot of people came in and out of my life at that time and there were a lot of dark thoughts at that time that I still try to forget about today. Despite all of that, not all of it was filled with horrible memories and hey, today is a day for celebration! Although I was scared out of my mind, I was having a surgery that would change my life for good.

I remember very little about my time in Minnesota. I do remember though that I was 18 and facing major surgery. This is the one time as an 18-year-old that I didn’t want to be treated like an adult. They took me into the back room to do prep, and when they started the real pre-surgery stuff I threw a fit until they allowed my parents back with me. I wouldn’t even let them start an IV until my parents were allowed in the room. At that point they had me sooooo medicated that I couldn’t tell you up from down but I knew I was alone and in my mind that was completely unacceptable.

Now for the emotional part (for those of you who know me, surprise! I do have a heart). The picture here is one that still hurts me to look at. On the left is my senior prom, about 3 months post transplant. I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror without crying. I knew I looked as if a sudden movement was all it would take for me to snap in half. On the right is my last sorority formal, about 3 years post transplant and yes, the same dress. I have finally reached a healthy weight and have gotten a good grip of my body’s limits. I can finally say I’m healthy and happy where I am now which is something I haven’t been able to say in a very long time.

I was a lucky one. Dr. Southerland gave me my life back and a life worth living. I owe him a lot of my current and future success because without him pushing for and performing my surgery I don’t know where I’d be. It’s honestly scary to think about where I could’ve been without it. 4 years ago no one thought I was graduating from high school. A big part of me didn’t think I would be able to see the day even if I pulled out the grades somehow. In a few months I’ll be graduated from college and pursuing a career in (hopefully) something I love. If you had asked me 4 years ago if I would make it to where I am today I would’ve laughed in your face.


Let me be proof that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, that the sun will rise even after the darkest nights, believe you can and you’re halfway there, whatever cliché you need to tell yourself. They’re all true. If you believe in yourself and you continue to fight, one day you will win. I still struggle and it’s going to be a lifelong fight. This is just the celebration of a battle in an everyday war.

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