Hello Anxiety, It's Been a While
It's the feeling that you can't breathe. That there is a weight on your chest that won't go away. It's the slight panic at the realization of one small thing. One second you're fine, the next you're reliving every wrong thing you've ever done, ever expectation you didn't reach, and step in the wrong direction you made. Then you get over it, feel numb for a little until it all comes rushing back. I've seen many forms of anxiety in the past few years but it never gets easier.
Anxiety comes in waves. At times it's hidden just waiting for the right time to take over. Other times it's slight and easy to manage. The worst is when its full force. You're too busy worrying that you're doing everything wrong, but you're also unable to change anything.
I have seen almost every side of anxiety. I've been at my highest to my lowest in a matter of minutes. Recently I've felt like there was an elephant just sitting on my chest at all times. Lucky for me, I have a poker face that can pretty much cover anything. I don't know if that's a blessing or a curse. Sometimes I'm thankful because no one treats me differently. Other times I feel like I could be drowning in my feelings and only a handful of people would notice.
Despite all of that, I've made it a plan to learn to love myself again. I made a list of steps to make to make sure that I'm going to succeed, or at least get over this hump. The first on that list is to start working out more. It seems simple but it's so easy to find an excuse to not workout. Today at a workout class I saw a message that hit home right not. "Strive for progress, not perfection." As someone with a constantly anxious mind, I can say from experience one of the biggest triggers is the idea that you failed, that you weren't perfect, and you let someone down.
Perfection isn't something that is ever achievable. I need to accept that. I need to focus on my progress. I need to realize that being a little bit broken is okay. Getting out of bed, that's win number one of the day. Working hard and getting tasks done, there is number two. Part of loving myself right now is loving myself despite my flaws. That means anxiety and all. After all, if you can't love yourself who will?
Anxiety comes in waves. At times it's hidden just waiting for the right time to take over. Other times it's slight and easy to manage. The worst is when its full force. You're too busy worrying that you're doing everything wrong, but you're also unable to change anything.
I have seen almost every side of anxiety. I've been at my highest to my lowest in a matter of minutes. Recently I've felt like there was an elephant just sitting on my chest at all times. Lucky for me, I have a poker face that can pretty much cover anything. I don't know if that's a blessing or a curse. Sometimes I'm thankful because no one treats me differently. Other times I feel like I could be drowning in my feelings and only a handful of people would notice.
Despite all of that, I've made it a plan to learn to love myself again. I made a list of steps to make to make sure that I'm going to succeed, or at least get over this hump. The first on that list is to start working out more. It seems simple but it's so easy to find an excuse to not workout. Today at a workout class I saw a message that hit home right not. "Strive for progress, not perfection." As someone with a constantly anxious mind, I can say from experience one of the biggest triggers is the idea that you failed, that you weren't perfect, and you let someone down.
Perfection isn't something that is ever achievable. I need to accept that. I need to focus on my progress. I need to realize that being a little bit broken is okay. Getting out of bed, that's win number one of the day. Working hard and getting tasks done, there is number two. Part of loving myself right now is loving myself despite my flaws. That means anxiety and all. After all, if you can't love yourself who will?
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